


Walk This World

by Shujinkakusama



Series: Dream a Dream [2]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Comfort/Angst, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Torture, Sequel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-15
Updated: 2017-02-27
Packaged: 2018-05-14 04:46:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 17,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5730034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shujinkakusama/pseuds/Shujinkakusama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone made it home in one piece... on the outside. Pearl struggles to regain her sense of identity post-Tektite while the other Crystal Gems try to help her get back to normal. Meanwhile Malachite looms, Peridot is on the loose, and Yellow Diamond still presents a very real threat. / Sequel to "Dream a Dream," eventual Pearlnet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tremble

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I got through chapter one and thought I'd hurry and get it posted for everyone's enjoyment. This takes place immediately following Dream a Dream, but picks up just before the epilogue. There may be illustrations this time around, but we'll see.

Although the mission was a success, it was on technicality alone. Garnet confirmed afterwards that there were no other artifacts at the site, no Gem beasts to go back for, and congratulated her team—especially Steven—on a hard day’s work.

 

Somehow, they had only been gone for a few hours—most of a day, nothing more—and yet, everyone who had been involved in Tektite’s deception felt disoriented. Even Amethyst, who had spent the least time in the dungeon space, bemoaned feeling like a week had passed. Steven was tired and hungry, and set about eating most of a box of sugary cereal after they returned home.

 

And that left Pearl.

 

Pearl hadn’t been able to shape shift her hair to its regular length, and Garnet had wound it up for her, into a loose bun, securing it for her with a red hair tie. The dancer had thanked her, but her voice was smaller than usual, and she had almost toppled over when she phased out of the strange sheer dress she had returned in, in favor of her usual tunic and shorts.

 

The sash was missing, at first, and Garnet insisted on supporting Pearl while she got her bearings before she tried again. Sash in place, she almost looked like herself, even if her shoulders were slumped with exhaustion and her gaze was locked on the ground.

 

“Sorry,” Pearl had said a dozen times, with each stumble, and Garnet had quickly decided that carrying her across the Strawberry Fields was a better option than trying to walk slowly. Lion had taken to letting Steven ride on his back, a true testament to how deeply the fight had affected the team. The pink beast nudged Pearl as she walked, staying closer to her than he ever did.

 

It wasn’t long before both Pearl and Steven were dozing, but Pearl’s Gem flickered and shone blue light against Garnet’s shoulder, projecting a dream at quarters too close to make out the details.

 

“That was real crazy, G,” Amethyst said at length, “What you did. I dunno how you woke her up, but… you’re sure she’s okay, sleeping now? Or are you going to have to do it again?”

 

“She’s fine now,” Garnet assured her teammate, “If I have to, I’ll do it again. I know _how_ now.”

 

“I still don’t even know what you did,” Amethyst admitted, “You and P just… phased out, turned white, and didn’t move for a while. And then you were back, and she was… _weird_.”

 

Weird was a nice, harmless way to describe what Amethyst had seen. Pearl had worn her hair long centuries ago, at Rose’s recommendation, but never past her knees. And while she’d worn sheer things in the past, a sheer _gown_ covered in holes wasn’t at all what Pearl would have dressed herself in. She was too practical, too pragmatic, too… too _Pearl_ for that sort of nonsense.

 

The whole thing was incredibly unsettling.

 

Garnet said nothing for long moments, keeping her gaze ahead. There were futures still where problems could crop up, and others where Pearl made a full recovery. She didn’t know how to ensure the latter. “Tektite used her magic to create another reality to trap Pearl in,” she said slowly, measuring her anger. In her arms, the pale Gem stirred, and Garnet dropped her voice to a whisper. “She was convinced… when I found her, she thought I’d been shattered. Ruby and Sapphire, both. I don’t know what else Tektite did to her, but… it will be some time before things are all right again.” She sighed. “You’ll have to go easy on her, Amethyst.”

 

“I wasn’t planning on picking on her,” Amethyst said, stung. Garnet nodded. The purple Gem sighed, rubbing her arm. “This is the worst we’ve done in a while, huh?”

 

Garnet shook her head, no. “The Specials aren’t your average enemy,” she explained, and pride crept into her voice as she added; “You did remarkably well, breaking out of her spell. We lost many soldiers in the war to that tactic. We just… weren’t prepared. That was my fault.”

 

“G, you can’t know the future every time,” Amethyst protested, and by now they’d reached the warp pad. The smaller Crystal Gem hopped into her usual place, to one side, only for Lion to nudge her toward the middle as he took her spot. It was strange warping _with_ the pink creature, but Amethyst wasn’t complaining. She set a hand on his shoulder, staring up at Garnet. “Don’t blame yourself for this, Garnet. What matters is we’re all going home in one piece, right?” she didn’t give Garnet time to argue, and Garnet anticipated that. “Pearl will get better in no time.”

 

“We’ll see,” Garnet conceded, promising nothing as she joined her and nudged Pearl awake. The alabaster Gem groaned in protest, pale blue eyes fluttering open to stare up at Garnet questioningly. “Pearl. We’re warping home now.”

 

“Oh,” Pearl paused, voice heavy with exhaustion. Amethyst wondered if she were really awake, but didn’t think Pearl of all Gems could master talking in her sleep so quickly. “Should I stand?”

 

“I have you,” Garnet assured her. “Amethyst, keep a hand on Steven.”

 

“Got it,” Amethyst said, putting an arm around the sleeping teen’s shoulders. “Ready to warp!”

 

Garnet didn’t wait any longer to activate the warp, and Pearl gripped her shoulders tightly. The rush of magic was electrifying, and when they reappeared back in the junction between Steven’s home and the Temple proper, Steven was awake enough to slide off of Lion’s back. By contrast, Pearl looked somewhat seasick, but Garnet reluctantly let her down.

 

Pearl’s knees shook and trembled, and it was clear that determination was the only thing keeping her on her feet. But she stood, and Garnet respected that. She made her way to the couch on wobbly legs, sinking down to sit on the cushions. Gravity caught her before the seat did, and she fell the last few inches with an undignified yelp.

 

“Pearl?” Steven asked in a rush, almost tripping over his sandals as he hurried to beat both Amethyst and Garnet to her side. “You okay?”

 

“Miscalculated where the couch started,” Pearl mumbled, cheeks tinged slightly blue with embarrassment. Steven climbed up beside her, hugging her tightly around the middle, and Pearl wrapped an arm around his shoulders. She managed a smile, but it didn’t meet her tired eyes. “Thank you all. I’m sorry I worried everyone.”

 

The words were distant, detached, and Amethyst’s brows furrowed in displeasure at how mechanical she sounded. “P, we worry you every time we breathe wrong,” she said carefully, folding her arms. “You don’t have to apologize. Right?”

 

Garnet and Steven each nodded in affirmation, and Pearl hugged Steven a little more tightly. “It’s okay Pearl,” Steven ventured softly, “We’re all just happy you’re awake, and we made it home in one piece. We can worry about other things later. For now, let’s just relax. We can go up to my room and watch a movie! I know you don’t like _Crying Breakfast Friends_ , but you can pick something else, and we’ll watch that.”

 

“That’s a good idea, Steven,” Garnet said, ruffling the boy’s curly hair. “Go pick some choices out. I’ll help Pearl up the stairs.”

 

“I’m makin’ popcorn!” Amethyst declared, perhaps too enthusiastically, and she abandoned the tense living room area in favor of scouring the kitchen for uneaten popcorn bags.

 

Steven looked up at Garnet, then to Pearl, who hadn’t said a word. Then he nodded, giving the pale Gem one last squeeze before detangling himself and scrambling upstairs to peruse his DVD collection for promising options.

 

“Garnet?” Pearl asked quietly, eyes still downcast, and Garnet made a sound of acknowledgment in response. Shaking hands reached up to her long hair, feeling the loose bun, and Pearl blinked rapidly against the threat of tears. “This isn’t a dream?”

 

“No,” Garnet said quietly, “You’re awake. And safe at home. I promise this is real.”

 

The smaller Gem nodded slowly, mind elsewhere. She fidgeted a bit more before finally looking up at Garnet with haunted eyes that made the Fusion’s stomach churn. “Can you cut my hair for me? I’ve tried, and it won’t…”

 

She trailed off, and Garnet settled a hand on the crown of her head. “Sure,” Garnet said softly, “I’ll get the scissors.”

 

This was going to be a much longer process than Garnet wanted to think about. Tektite’s damage ran deeper than even she could see, looking into the future. She smoothed Pearl’s bangs away from her Gem, earning an instinctive lean into her touch that made her smile, then made her way to Steven’s bathroom to get scissors.

 

Pearl’s quiet “ _thank you_ ” was so soft that Garnet barely heard it, but she glanced back out of the corner of her eye to meet Pearl’s hollow gaze. “Of course. I’ll take care of you.”

 

She meant it more than any vow she’d made in her long life.


	2. Mitigate Disaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garnet tries to fix Pearl's hair and Steven and Amethyst get ready for movie night.

This haircut business was not going as smoothly as planned.

 

Garnet had cut Steven’s hair once or twice—the key difference there, of course, being that he had what must have been a never-ending supply of curls, inherited from his mother’s side, while Pearl’s hair was fine and almost straight by comparison. Gems rarely needed to do anything of the sort, although Rose had encouraged that her friends learn human arts, Garnet had never had any reason to explore hair beyond braiding and very basic care. Ruby had some experience playing with Sapphire’s long hair, but she certainly hadn’t ever cut it, especially not with scissors.

 

So this wasn’t quite working. Pearl sat patiently, stock still, letting Garnet hew away locks of too-long hair without protest. Garnet tried valiantly to cut evenly, but the scissors she had found simply weren’t made for this, and Pearl’s hair…

 

“G what in the world!?” Amethyst asked, reappearing from the kitchen with several steaming bags of popcorn, two of which smelled burnt beyond salvation. They all scattered across the floor as she dropped her arms, visible eye comically wide.

 

“Pearl asked me to cut her hair.” Garnet’s voice was even.

 

Her cutting job, however, was not.

 

The purple Gem stared long and hard at her companions. The front of Pearl’s hair was untouched, but the back…

 

“Did you use a _lawnmower_?”

 

“You guys okay?” Steven asked, popping his head over the edge of the loft. He gasped, horrified at the sight of Pearl’s long hair, shorn and spread across much of the couch. What remained mostly came to her shoulders, jagged and unkempt, and nothing at all like anything Pearl would have voluntarily worn for her hair.

 

“I’ve got it,” Amethyst said, skirting her discarded snacks as well as the table and thrusting her hand between Garnet and Pearl. “Scissors. _Now_.”

 

Pearl reached up hesitantly, feeling the uneven strands. She froze, but said nothing, ducking her head. Garnet relinquished the scissors easily, moving to let Amethyst clean up her mess. Amethyst took her place on the couch, kneeling to have easier access to Pearl’s hair.

 

“It’s gonna be a little short, P,” Amethyst said, expertly maneuvering the scissors with surprising ease. The blades were duller than she was used to, but Amethyst wasn’t about to let that ruin Pearl’s hair. She continued as if not at all bothered, “But I think you’ll like it. Short hair’s much more ‘you’. And once you’ve recovered, you can just fix it the right way. Head up for me?”

 

Steven and Garnet watched, fascinated by how easily Amethyst went about trimming and shaping Pearl’s peach-pink hair into an approximation of her usual style. “Amethyst, where’d you learn that?” Steven asked, awestricken. In no time at all, Pearl’s hair looked… more or less right from above.

 

“Puh- _lease_ , Steven, I lived through the 1980’s,” Amethyst said, earning a laugh from above. “Vidalia and her friends did things you wouldn’t believe with their hair, mine too. Only I could grow mine _back_!”

 

“Well done, Amethyst,” Garnet said, genuinely impressed by the smaller Gem’s handiwork. She privately wished she could have done the work, but the important thing was that the task was completed. “Pearl, do you want a mirror? It looks good.”

 

Pearl reached up again, feeling the back of her hair. It was shorter, but felt about right. It flipped up of its own accord near the crown of her head, save for the very bottom that tickled the back of her neck. At the moment, her appearance wasn’t much of a concern, but all the same…

 

“Please?”

 

Garnet slipped away to provide her with a handheld one from the bathroom, and Amethyst combed her fingers through the short strands to make sure she hadn’t missed any stray bits. A few more snips and she was done, in time for Garnet to arrive with the mirror.

 

Pearl took it gratefully. The reflection that stared back at her looked like a mockery of the Crystal Gem she had been less than a day before; her eyes were dull, flat, haunted by hundreds of years of false memories. She looked and felt worn down, like a sword long ill-treated by some careless owner, a dulled blade with nicks and scratches and no balance whatsoever. She stared for a long moment, then tore her gaze away from the image of her face, turning to get a glimpse of the sides of her hair instead. Amethyst had done an admirable job; her hair looked _almost_ normal.

 

Eerily so, given how little she felt like herself at the moment.

 

“Thank you both,” she said, returning the mirror. Garnet took it, left to put it back along with the scissors, and Amethyst paused before wrapping her arms around Pearl from behind. “Amethyst…?”

 

“Nothing,” Amethyst muttered into her shoulder, releasing her after a moment and grabbing up most of the stray hair from the couch. “Hey Ste-man! Are we bringing pillows up?”

 

Steven smiled, eyes lighting up at the idea. “Yeah! The more the merrier!”

 

Amethyst set about her task with a thumb’s up, and Pearl closed her eyes, listening to Amethyst take apart the other couch by the window. This was real. This was reality. She was home, and safe, and the nightmare was over. Telling herself that, even silently, made it easier to believe.

 

But with her eyes closed, she could feel the chill of the dungeon all over again, the clamminess on her skin, the weight of cast iron manacles encasing her arms, could smell the heady incense that followed her captor everywhere, and if she strained she could hear the musical chime of Tektite’s bangles as she came close—

 

“Pearl!” Garnet laid a hand on her shoulder, and the dancer almost leapt out of her own skin. The Fusion leaned down to smooth her hair away from her brow, eyeing her Gem and the way it glowed. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

 

“Ah… Garnet.” Her cheeks flushed at their proximity. Garnet’s face wasn’t far from hers, and their earlier kiss was very abruptly at the forefront of her mind. “I’m glad you did.”

 

Garnet nodded in understanding, offering her arm. “Let’s go upstairs,” she said coaxingly, and Pearl folded her arm through hers. It was so natural, so easy, that she didn’t need to think twice—and Pearl was glad for that. She was so exhausted, mentally and physically, that Garnet’s support was almost certainly necessary if she were going to make it up to Steven’s room. What remained of her pride was easy to give up to Garnet.

 

“Should I clean up—?” Pearl asked, unsteadily following Garnet the short distance to the stairs.

 

“I will. You have a movie to pick out,” Garnet insisted, guiding her up the stairs gently. Pearl didn’t remember there being so _many_ steps here, but she had no choice but to mount each step one at a time.

 

With Garnet’s help, she reached the top of the stairs, and Steven had already stripped his bed to make the beginnings of a blanket nest in front of his television. Amethyst was ahead of both of them, wedging couch cushions all over to create a makeshift pillow stage. Garnet was too tall to make a proper fort, even sitting, but there were enough pillows to pile up at the foot of the bed to make a good sized seating area.

 

Pearl made no protest as Garnet guided her to sit in the middle, and she was almost immediately joined by Steven, who curled up next to her and plopped one of his stuffed toys—a smiling blue rabbit with big floppy ears—into her arms.

 

“Thank you,” Pearl said, absently watching as Garnet descended the stairs to finish cleaning up. Amethyst followed for more snacks, and Pearl turned her attention to Steven. “Are you okay, Steven?”

 

Steven paused, said nothing for a long moment while he considered, and nodded slowly. “I’ll be okay,” he said, pressing his face into her shoulder. “I was… really scared for you back there. With Tektite. Are you okay?”

 

The alabaster Gem smiled, though the expression felt foreign on her face after so long with nothing to smile about. “It’s over now,” she replied, smoothing her fingers through the mess of curly hair against her arm. Steven tipped his face up to look at her, brow creased with worry, and Pearl sighed. “I may not be yet, but I will be. Thanks to you all. You don’t have to worry.”

 

Steven nodded minutely, looking away. “She said she broke you.”

 

Pearl’s eyes went painfully wide. Tektite had spoken to him directly? Had she gone after him as well? Instinct drove her to gather the boy into a tight hug, and she shut her eyes against the beginnings of tears. “She lied,” she whispered vehemently, trying as much to convince herself as Steven. “She lied about everything, Steven. None of it was real. Nobody’s broken.” On the outside.

 

Inside was another matter.


	3. Dear Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which nobody pays attention to the movie, and the Crystal Gems get a moment's reprieve after everything.

The movie selection ultimately came down to a coin toss. There weren’t many human movies that Pearl cared one way or the other about, and Steven had carefully avoided movies he knew would upset her—which meant most science fiction, swords, the _Lonely Blade_ franchise, and several love stories were out of the question. The meager pickings that remained from his DVD collection were strewn out before her, along with several miscellaneous anime choices, “just in case.”

 

With the help of the coin toss, the winning movie was put on. _Dear Stars_ was a light-hearted love story that focused mostly on fantastic dance competitions through (incredibly inaccurate) intergalactic settings, and Pearl was more taken by the costumes and choreography than the silly plot between an effeminate alien and his Earthling dance partner from Kansas.

 

Steven escaped briefly to get himself a box of cereal, knowing full well that he wouldn’t fill up on Amethyst’s overcooked popcorn. Lion had taken over what was left of the couch for his bed, sprawled out on his back, and took a warning snap at Steven for trying to rub his belly. Steven returned to the bedroom with mixed success, snacks in hand. It wasn’t long before Amethyst joined, flinging herself across most of the bed behind the others. Garnet took her place next to Pearl, sitting close enough that the slighter Gem could feel the heat from her body even without touching. Steven took some stretch of pity on her, opting against eating while leaning on her. But the half-full cereal box didn’t last long, and soon enough, Steven was cuddled up against Pearl’s left side.

 

Pearl couldn’t get up if she wanted to, but quickly found that she really didn’t mind; it was absolutely ridiculous to think of blankets and pillows as safe, but surrounded by the other Crystal Gems—her family—she couldn’t help feeling that no monster on Earth or elsewhere could reach them.

 

Amethyst was the first to doze off; she had little interest in the movie itself, and Steven’s bed was familiar and comfortable, even with the bedding stripped off. Predictably, Steven followed suit, curling up with blankets, pillows, and Pearl’s hand trapped in his. The older Gem didn’t protest. It was a balm on her soul, having the boy alive and safe and close after everything else she’d seen.

 

Garnet spoke to her in hushed tones, keeping the conversation light. Pearl easily slipped into discussion of the lead characters’ dancing. There was no thought required, and Garnet knew enough about ballroom dance to follow, even contributing. At some point, Garnet’s hand found hers mid-gesture, and they settled into silence after that. Pearl was still tired; still bone-weary after everything, and Garnet phased away her breastplate and shoulder guards to offer an easy purchase for the smaller Gem’s cheek. Pearl took her chance, resting her head against Garnet’s shoulder to watch as the two leads in the movie grew closer in understanding and step in time for the second act.

 

Pearl didn’t realize that the movie had finished until Garnet asked if she would like to watch again. She had nodded off again, and Garnet nudged her awake with surprising gentleness.

 

“Ah… yes,” Pearl agreed, somewhat unsure as to why Garnet would want to watch again; she’d seen it a dozen times before.

 

This time, the dancer’s mind was occupied with other worries, simmering to the surface. Steven made a noise in his sleep that made her jump, and Pearl had to release Garnet’s hand to smooth his hair away from his forehead until he seemed content again. The boy was truly a treasure, worth more to Pearl than the planet he was born on, and the thought of Tektite trying to get to him…

 

“Garnet?” Pearl’s voice was small, and she didn’t look at the Fusion. “Did she hurt you as well?”

 

“I never saw her,” Garnet murmured, keeping her voice low. She watched Pearl’s face worriedly, but couldn’t get a read on the distant look in her pale eyes. “Amethyst broke her illusion—she thought it was a dream and woke herself out before Tektite ever arrived.”

 

“Steven said she spoke to him,” Pearl whispered, voice choked. “If she did anything to him…”

 

“She didn’t,” Garnet assured her, “Steven fought her on her terms and pushed her out. Tektite couldn’t hold him.”

 

That turned Pearl’s head, and she stared up at Garnet for long moments, eyes wide, misty with tears that just barely didn’t fall. “It was just me, then?” She didn’t know whether to be relieved or ashamed by her weakness. Perhaps a combination of the two was appropriate. Amethyst’s escape was fitting; the purple Gem was paradoxical even by their standards, sometimes, but she was genuinely shocked that Steven could break out on his own. Some part of her wondered if Rose Quartz were somehow involved, watching over and protecting her son. It wouldn’t surprise her.

 

Garnet laid a hand on her head, stroking her short hair softly. “You and I are the only ones who fought in the war,” she reminded Pearl, “Amethyst and Steven had no reason to get caught in her suggestions… And my Gems were protected. I had my gauntlets the entire time.” The Fusion paused, adding; “You know as well as I do that the Specials are elite fighters. Their powers are nothing like anything we could’ve been prepared for. It’s fortunate that we only encountered Tektite—any of the others would’ve defeated us all. Even Rose feared them. You did remarkably.”

 

Pearl nodded miserably. “I survived… I suppose.”

 

“Pearl, you’re here with us now,” Garnet said firmly, “There are scores of other Gems who can’t say that.”

 

She knew all too well what Garnet meant, but all the same, Pearl couldn’t help her traitorous thoughts turning inward. There may have been dozens, even more Gems from their army who had fallen to Tektite’s treatment, and she had no intention of disrespecting their memories, but…

 

“Garnet, I gave up,” she whispered bitterly, “I… I stopped _fighting_ , I _let_ her do whatever she pleased to stay whole. I just sat around waiting for you to save me like some… some damsel in one of these human movies. _I_ _gave in_.”

 

Garnet frowned deeply, turning Pearl’s face to catch her gaze. For the smaller Gem’s sake, and with the others asleep and unable to see, she let her visor vanish in a flurry of light motes. Pearl looked startled, but didn’t tear her gaze away. “You _survived_ ,” Garnet insisted. “You held out until I came for you. That was all you could do, Pearl. I came late, I don’t even know how late with the spell you were under, but… you know I’ll always come for you. And you held out despite her trying to break you.”

 

Blinking rapidly against her tears, Pearl nodded minutely. “She _did_ break me, Garnet. She dangled this… this idea of you, that you were out there, and then that she’d broken you. I thought you were dead.”

 

The Fusion nodded somberly. “That wouldn’t have stopped me,” she insisted, wiping Pearl’s tears away with her thumb. “I’ll always come for you. One way or another.” They were quickly replaced with more, and Pearl pressed her face to Garnet’s chest to hide her face as she cried in silence. This, too, was different and unsettling, and Garnet shushed her, stroking her hair and shoulders until she finally cried herself out not long before the movie ended a second time. Somewhere along the way Pearl had reclaimed her hand from Steven’s hold to cling desperately to Garnet’s midsection, and Garnet made no protest. Steven slept through it all.

 

Movement caught Garnet’s third eye, and she looked up to meet Amethyst’s concerned gaze. The purple Gem had been awake for some time, but stayed wisely silent, and hesitantly reached out to settle a hand on Pearl’s bare arm. Garnet nodded, and Amethyst’s big hand closed over the slope of Pearl’s bony shoulder. She gasped, looked up sharply, and Amethyst leaned down from her comfortable vantage point on the bed to join in the shared embrace, hugging Pearl and Garnet around the shoulders with almost painful strength.

 

For a while the three stayed like that, and Pearl came down from her fit of crying in favor of allowing herself to bask in her companions’ presence. It was comforting, having both Amethyst and Garnet there, with Steven asleep against her side. More so than the blankets and pillows in their little makeshift fort. And when Amethyst suggested changing to another movie—this about unicorns and some quest, which Pearl knew Amethyst had comparably little interest in—she agreed without second thought.

 

Tonight could be fun and games, mindless entertainment. Pearl didn’t think she would ever have the heart to turn down her companions if they wanted something like this, not after very nearly losing them all.

 

Tomorrow would be another day, and Pearl was determined to be back to normal by sunrise.


	4. Steps Forward And Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Normal is completely relative. Pearl has trouble understanding this.

Sunrise came and went without a return to normalcy.

 

In point of fact, Pearl slept well through sunrise, which was absolutely as far from normal as she could realistically get. Gems didn’t sleep, didn’t _need_ to sleep, and yet she woke to Steven tucking the blanket around her after _he_ had woken up for the day. Pearl jumped, startled, only to find herself wrapped in both blanket and Garnet, who was very much awake. Strong arms were around her middle, and a pair of familiar large hands splayed comfortably around her sides, one warm and one cold to the touch.

 

“Garnet? Steven…?”

 

The Fusion loosened her hold on her companion, but didn’t withdraw. “We were going to let you sleep more,” Garnet explained, voice neutral, as if nothing about this particular situation was the least bit out of the ordinary.

 

On the contrary, Pearl didn’t think she could remember the last time she’d been this close to Garnet; there was something completely dissimilar between sitting in someone’s lap against hard armor and whatever _this_ was. _This_ felt oddly intimate, new and bewildering and altogether overwhelming—but welcoming and safe, somehow, and the paradox was not lost on the Gem. This was better than yesterday, though, than the thousands of lonely days she’d been subjected to by Tektite.

 

“We both slept late,” Steven went on merrily, “But after yesterday, I figured you could use some more rest.”

 

“Gems don’t need to sleep,” Pearl protested, and Garnet chuckled so close to her ear that she could feel the vibrations in her sternum.

 

“Tell that to Amethyst,” Garnet said, indicating the purple Gem presently sprawled spread-eagle across Steven’s bed. She didn’t wake at her name, but gave a snore that may have indicated that she’d heard it. Pearl stared back at her for a long moment, then glanced back to Garnet again, and then to Steven.

 

“You didn’t sleep on the floor all night, did you Steven?”

 

“We had the couch pillows,” he said, shrugging lightly. That was an avoidant way to say yes, Pearl thought, but somehow she didn’t have the voice to lecture him. Steven grinned. “Garnet made sure we were warm, right Garnet?”

 

The Fusion nodded. “I watched over you both,” she replied, knowing Pearl couldn’t see the pointed look she was giving from behind her visor. Steven hadn’t needed watching, and Pearl’s pride was a fragile shell of what it should have been. Garnet opted out of elaborating further.

 

Pearl wanted to protest, but this too lodged in her throat. Not that the concern was unbearable, and it wasn’t as if she didn’t enjoy the warmth strength that Garnet’s arms around her waist graced her with, but it seemed so unnecessary, like time wasted if it were on her.

 

“Thank you,” she settled on finally, earning a gentle squeeze from the Fusion behind her. That had been the right answer, she supposed.

 

“If you’re still tired, we can stay like this a while longer,” Garnet offered, extending the offer to Steven as well with a cant of her head. “I really don’t mind.”

 

“I’m gonna get donuts!” Steven said excitedly, “It’s a little late, but I’m sure Lars and Sadie saved some good ones for me!” He was sure of no such thing, but it had been a while since he’d seen his human friends.

 

Steven was already making to go, bounding toward the stairs, when Pearl’s nerve caught up to her. “I could make something,” she offered, and he barely heard her, even a handful of paces away. The boy turned to see Pearl carefully extracting herself from Garnet’s hold, and to his relief, she stood without difficulty. Garnet rose as well, returning Steven’s blankets to his bed without a word. Half buried, Amethyst snored on.

 

“It would take longer, but I could make…” Pearl paused, looking up at the skylight to get an idea of the time. The skylight directly above her was cast in purple shadows, but orange light filtered in from the west, behind the Temple and its hilly cliff. Had she truly slept all day? “…Dinner?”

 

Under normal circumstances, Steven might have rejected the idea. But Pearl rarely offered to cook, and as much as he _liked_ donuts…

 

Normal circumstances were a far off idea anyway, the boy thought. After yesterday, after nearly losing one of his guardians, he didn’t really want to leave the house. It was nice being home together, safe from things like Tektite and Peridot and Malachite.

 

“Okay!” Steven grinned brilliantly, “Do you want me to help?”

 

Pearl shook her head, no. “I can take care of it,” she assured him, managing a smile that she hoped to the stars was convincing. Unfortunately, it wasn’t. The dancer saw Steven’s smile falter in response, and she shook her head again. One more thing she couldn’t do properly. She slipped past him, mussing his hair on the way down the stairs. “You can help next time.”

 

Garnet trailed behind her like a shadow, and Pearl could feel the hairs on the back of her neck hike up uncomfortably. That was… strange and somehow wrong. Garnet didn’t _hover_ , and Pearl didn’t need to be hovered around like a light being chased by a moth.

 

Midway down the stairs, Garnet’s proximity abruptly made sense; Pearl, lost in thought, missed a step—and Garnet’s arm was around her so quickly that she barely had the chance to register that she was mid-fall.

 

“Caught you,” Garnet said, helping her back to her feet easily. Pearl murmured another thank you, cheeks flushed, and was quick to make her way for the kitchen. She said nothing as she checked cupboards for ingredients, pulling out utensils she very likely didn’t need without thinking. So much of the house was familiar, and yet something about the skillet’s placement was strange; the whisk felt foreign in her hand. Pearl couldn’t put her finger on why.

 

“Garnet?” Steven asked, a few steps behind the Fusion. He kept his voice barely above a whisper. “Is she gonna be okay?”

 

Garnet said nothing for a moment, scanning both distant and near futures in quick succession. She finally sighed, pushing up her visor. “Eventually,” she assured him, turning to muss his hair. “These things take time.”

 

She just had no idea how _much_ time.

 

Pearl made short work of the kitchen itself; Steven’s refrigerator was well stocked (for once) with vegetables, cheese, and eggs, intended for a Taco Tuesday that he and Amethyst hadn’t yet bothered with, and that meant he was getting an omelet. Omelets were easy, rhythmic, employed a simple system. Cooking was relaxing and mindless; it was like a combination of chemistry and mechanics, and that made remembering how to whisk egg and milk to a proper consistency second nature. Dicing vegetables was easy, too, Pearl found. In point of fact, this—this mundane, normal, everyday task—came so easily to her that she forgot, even briefly, about the previous day’s horrors.

 

It was nice to be home.

 

It was nice to be _useful_.

 

She closed her eyes, pausing in her task of dicing peppers to bask in the familiarity of her surroundings. The salty beach air blew in through the open window, early evening light casting a warm glow around her. No one had turned lights on, and she would have to do so soon, before the sunlight was lost to nighttime. She could imagine the sound of the waves crashing against the rocky outcroppings outside on the side of the Temple that wasn’t surrounded completely by soft sand. If she kept her eyes closed long enough, she could feel the water lapping at her ankles, and the cold was delicious, spreading upward, hard around her shins and silky smooth everywhere else, cold and lingering and—

 

Pearl’s eyes snapped open, but something seemed wrong; the room tilted, and darkness was creeping in on her too quickly. She could see Garnet moving out of her fuzzy peripheral vision, and the knife in her hand clattered to the cutting board as the chill reached her fingertips.

 

“I can’t… see…” Pearl managed, but it was quiet, distant, and the roar of wind in her ears overtook her voice as she the ground rushed up to meet her.

 

Even Garnet couldn’t reach her in time to catch her.

 

“Pearl!” the Fusion called, icy horror gripping her chest and stomach. She didn’t think she could handle a repeat of the previous day, and her future vision had been mysteriously useless in predicting this; she hadn’t anticipated Pearl falling again.

 

Garnet was there in an instant, gathering Pearl up into a seated position, and the smaller Gem groaned, mumbling indistinct protests.

 

“Pearl?” Steven gasped, catching up quickly, in time to see Pearl’s eyes fluttering open. The alabaster Gem looked paler, ghost-white, and she blinked blearily without focusing on Steven or Garnet.

 

“’M fine,” Pearl slurred, but it didn’t sound very reassuring. Steven took her arm, but her legs failed her when she tried to stand. “I’m fine…”


	5. Scrambled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garnet takes over Pearl's kitchen duties while Pearl recovers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, everyone! This chapter would have been up much sooner if life hadn't gotten in my way on repeat.

It was with stubborn resolution that Pearl tried to stand again, despite Steven’s protests. Each attempt was met with the same result; quaking legs that she couldn’t quite feel, and her back slumping into Garnet’s waiting arms before she even got more than a handful of inches off the ground.

 

“Pearl, stop,” Garnet said firmly, holding her shoulders this time. “Wait for your vision to clear.”

 

“Garnet, what’s happening?” Steven asked worriedly, and the Fusion shook her head.

 

“Something must be left over from Tektite’s magic,” she said, voice low, deceptively calm. Inside, the idea had her boiling with anger, and Pearl tugged her shoulder away from Ruby’s Gem, stung. Garnet drew her hand away, moving her other palm to soothe the redness with cool ice magic. “Pearl, breathe slowly for ten seconds before you try again.”

 

The Gem did as she was told, thoroughly embarrassed by her predicament. Still, breathing slowly seemed to do something; as her vision cleared, fuzzy edges folding away to bring Steven’s worried face into view, she let Garnet support her, moving into a slightly more upright seated position. “I’m fi—“

 

“You aren’t fine,” Steven said, sucking his lower lip in between his teeth. He was pale, and Pearl would have liked to reach out to sooth his worries, but her arms felt like they weighed several thousand pounds each. “Pearl, you… you just _fainted_. Are Gems even supposed to do that?”

 

“No,” Garnet said before Pearl could brush his concerns off. “Pearl, this isn’t normal. Stop trying to ignore it. If the effects are long-lasting…”

 

“I just—don’t want to worry everyone,” Pearl said lamely, bowing her head. “I want to be fine. I don’t want to burden you all with any of this. It’s over, it should…” She trailed off. Speaking took an enormous amount of energy, she found.

 

Steven looked up at Garnet worriedly, whose frown spoke volumes. “Pearl… it was just a day ago,” he said quietly, “You can take more than a day to recover! Even Amethyst’s still sleeping, and she didn’t go through as much as you. It’s okay.”

 

It wasn’t, Pearl thought, but she nodded all the same. Steven could see through her, and the boy frowned, catching Pearl’s face gently in his hands. “Pearl, it really is okay,” he insisted, “Even if it’s just for me, please take it easy, just for a few days. Things’ll get back to normal soon, and then you can take care of everyone like you always do… But for now, we wanna take care of you. Please let us?”

 

Pearl froze under his scrutiny, trapped between Garnet and Steven, knowing that there was only one possible answer she could reasonably give—and also knowing that she wanted to reject everything to do with the notion that she needed to be taken care of, that she was weak and broken and frail, that she couldn’t keep up with Steven or Amethyst’s recoveries. She’d gone through worse, she told herself, knowing it was a lie.

 

Finally, after several long moments of silence, Pearl managed another nod. “I’ll try,” she conceded, and the warm smile she was rewarded with almost made the blow to her pride ache less. Steven hugged her, briefly, and Pearl managed to return the embrace gingerly.

 

“I think you’re probably good now,” Garnet said from behind her, and Pearl nearly jumped. Garnet’s right hand closed around her shoulder in a soft, reassuring squeeze, and she rose to offer the other Crystal Gem a hand. “But stand slowly, just to be sure. If you fall again, you’re going to go lie down until this passes.”

 

 _If it passed_ , Pearl thought sourly, but luck was with her when she got to her feet this time. The world wobbled a little, but nothing like before. Garnet’s hand found her elbow and kept her steady, and she braced herself against the Fusion until her vision was fully clear. Certain that she was no longer in any danger, Garnet released her grip, and Pearl set her hands on the kitchen counter, carefully retrieving the fallen knife.

 

“I can at least get this finished, and then I promise, I’ll take it easy,” Pearl said, glancing up at Garnet, who stared back at her impassively. The smaller Gem frowned. “I’m not letting Steven’s dinner spoil now that it’s half made, Garnet.”

 

“I’ll handle cooking it,” Garnet said, and at Pearl’s startled look, added; “I’ve watched you do it a hundred times. It won’t be a disaster. But if you faint onto the stove, that _will_ be a disaster.”

 

Pearl reluctantly agreed, unable to counter the logic. The last thing she needed was to hit her Gem on a hot range on her way down.

 

The collaboration was an unparalleled success.

 

Pearl was loathe to admit it, but she doubted she could have stayed upright long enough to get the job done herself. Chopping and preparing ingredients took an absurd amount of energy, and she was ultimately glad to sit down to let Garnet finish her work. Steven joined her, engaged her in light conversation—most of which was Steven talking while she agreed—and Pearl was thankful for that. It still wasn’t quite normal, but it was a start.

 

She tried not to think of the phantom chains that still tugged at her ankles even now, but the feeling was hard to shake.

 

“Yooo… Smells like delicious down here,” Amethyst drawled lazily, descending the stairs mid-yawn. Pearl briefly found that she envied the other Gem’s ability to do so without tripping on the way down. “Nobody wanted to wake me up for food? ‘M offended.”

 

“It’s not food yet,” Pearl said offhandedly, “Would you get the lights? Garnet’s almost done cooking for Steven.”

 

“Amethyst can have some too!” Steven said, although really, there hadn’t been enough for the both of them; especially considering Amethyst’s endless appetite.

The purple Gem absently switched the lights on, then continued to hop up on the counter near Steven, mussing his hair. “I’ll eat the scraps,” she declared proudly, puffing out her chest. “Weird to see G cooking, though. But it smells good.”

 

Garnet made a noncommittal noise, continuing her task; the omelette was going to be delicious, and she knew Steven would like it, but it certainly looked nothing like the sort of thing Pearl would have made. The edges were just slightly browned, and overall the entire thing looked somewhat messy—but Garnet maneuvered it onto a plate with the spatula, scooping stray bits up to make sure everything made the trip.

 

“Thanks, Garnet! And Pearl!” Steven beamed, almost immediately digging in despite the fresh heat of the meal. His only complaint was the temperature, and Pearl cautioned him accordingly, but Steven insisted on going on. “It tastes best when it’s just made!”

 

“It’s true, piping hot is the best!” Amethyst chimed in with a grin, “Not that you guys would understand. P, I still don’t know why you hate eating, and G, I don’t know why you don’t eat more often. It’s so good!”

 

Pearl wrinkled her nose in distaste. The taste wasn’t the issue, but no amount of explaining this to Amethyst had ever gotten through.

 

“You think engine oil is a condiment, Amethyst,” Garnet said dryly, piling dishes to be dealt with later. “We’re fine without.”

 

A long-winded tirade caught in Pearl’s throat; Garnet was right, of course, and Amethyst knew perfectly well why she found consuming food to be absolutely abhorrent. But somehow, her voice wouldn’t deliver the rant they both knew by heart. Instead, she settled on; “I agree with Garnet.”

 

Amethyst didn’t look stunned _per se_ but she was certainly surprised by Pearl’s lack of argument. “Fair enough. More for me and Steven. Right, Ste-man?”

 

Steven agreed around a mouthful of eggs, having already decimated much of his plate. After yesterday, it was hard not to be hungry. He swallowed, clearing his throat. “Right! But I don’t mind if Pearl and Garnet want to cook,” he said cheerfully, “I can do the dishes though. It’s only fair.”

 

“I don’t mind doing them,” Pearl offered.

 

All eyes turned on her, and though Pearl was no mind reader, she could guess what Garnet and Steven were thinking. Amethyst looked ready to agree—having missed the debacle earlier—and she quickly added; “If I have trouble, I’ll stop. I’m sure it’ll be fine. I just have to rinse and set them out to dry.”

 

“Are you sure?” Steven asked worriedly, “I can help! I don’t want you to faint again…”

 

“Pearl _fainted_?” Amethyst gasped, a genuine look of worry flashing across her face, and she turned to Garnet. “Can Gems do that?”

 

“Apparently,” Garnet said with a shrug, turning her attention to Pearl, whose look of distress made her heart ache. Scanning possible futures gave a mixture of outcomes, some good and some bad, and Garnet shook her head. “I’m sure you’ll do fine, Pearl. Just sit down if you get dizzy again. I trust your judgment.”

 

 


	6. Falling Backwards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl's progress is not going well. Tektite's magic still lingers.

With Garnet’s trust in mind, and renewed determination, Pearl set about trying to behave as though nothing were wrong while simultaneously watching for the moments when the wrongness would—and did—hit. She found herself sitting often, taking breaks while she cleaned, and was acutely aware that her body moved slower than she would have liked, if fractionally. Even Steven noticed, and that hurt her pride more than keeping a stool at hand did.

 

To her credit, Amethyst didn’t tease her about it. But she was mysteriously _not_ underfoot as often, and that was both a relief and somewhat disheartening. Pearl wanted things to be right again, not easy. Amethyst being in her way was normal. Steven letting his dishes pile up was normal. The two demolishing the stove in an attempt to create something edible was normal.

 

Garnet leaving without a word to do a mission alone was… also normal. But Pearl didn’t have to like that.

 

It happened not long after the summer rain hit; like clockwork, Beach City was faced with bad weather on a regular basis in the summer months, and Pearl tasked herself with bringing in the umbrella from the table outside, just in case, along with the chairs. Not that they weren’t replaceable, but they were lightweight and easily stored away. It made her feel useful.

 

The rain was already coming down, but Pearl enjoyed fresh water—Gems dried easily, and the cool feeling against her skin was welcome. She had felt hot and dry ever since their return, save a few moments before and after fainting, although luckily she’d managed to avoid doing so in front of the others again.

 

The worst part, Pearl mused, was that the spells weren’t brought on by anything. A texture, a sound—the way the wind made the stairs and door creak, one of the rusty burners on Steven’s stove—Pearl couldn’t guess what would set it off, only that the world would pitch and she would find herself on the ground moments later. She’d taken out the refrigerator’s magnets with her once, landed on the manual can opener, and hid in her room until the wound closed of its own accord.

 

This time, Garnet was at the door, holding it open while she tried to maneuver the umbrella inside despite the wind and rain. The wind chime sang and sparkled against the onslaught of the weather, and Pearl felt the pull again. She dropped the umbrella midway through the door, felt the ground beneath her lurch as if she were on a boat at sea, and felt the ground rush up as her knees buckled.

 

Pearl could vaguely feel Garnet’s arm around her waist as the world went dark, and she went completely limp, sagging backwards into her grip.

 

“Pearl!” Garnet exclaimed, glad that she’d trusted her instinct and offered to help. Future vision had thus far proven useless as far as predicting when Pearl would collapse was concerned, but then, staying vigilant and following her everywhere wouldn’t do either. She couldn’t be everywhere at once, and Pearl had made it abundantly clear that she did not want to be policed. Respecting her boundaries was important.

 

Telling herself that didn’t make it easier, knowing that Pearl was struggling and refused to ask for help.

 

This time, Pearl did more than faint.

 

Her Gem glowed brilliantly; washing her in green-tinted blue light, and Garnet pulled her inside. Pearl’s form wavered and shone, and for one horrifying moment, Garnet thought she might retreat to her Gem.

 

“ _Pearl_!”

 

The pulsing glow gave way to a tumble of strawberry pink curls that nearly reached the ground, and once again Pearl’s uniform gave way to a gauzy draped affair, apropos of centuries past, transparent and light, covered this time in beads.

 

Garnet felt her blood run cold; or the approximation her body contained. It was the dress she’d worn inside the Fusion space, and Pearl didn’t look any more likely to regain consciousness than she had then.

 

“G, what happened?” Amethyst gasped from the couch, watching as Garnet carried their teammate inside without visible effort. Steven vacated his own place on the futon to give Garnet room to lay Pearl out on her back.

 

“I don’t know,” Garnet’s voice didn’t betray her fear, but then, it didn’t need to. Her left hand shook; her right clutched Pearl tightly even after she’d lowered her into the couch. Behind her visor, Garnet’s eyes were wide with panic, and her jaw was set so firmly that it ached.

 

“Is Pearl gonna…” Steven trailed off uncertainly, and Garnet shook her head firmly. It didn’t matter what the question was; she wouldn’t allow anything further to happen to Pearl.

 

It was a miracle, if nothing else, that Pearl’s eyes opened on their own moment later. Her Gem glowed briefly, and she tried to shoot upright, but Garnet stopped her with a hand against her chest.

 

“G-Garnet?” Pearl asked uncertainly, chest heaving, only to have Steven barrel into her. She gasped, but hugged him automatically, clearly disoriented.

 

“Yo, P, you uh… kinda changed a little,” Amethyst said, trying to make light of the situation despite the concern and confusion writ across her face. Pearl stared blankly at her, then looked down at herself, half covered by Steven, and Garnet could have sworn she went so pale that she invented a new shade of white.

 

“Wh-what…” Pearl started, horrified by the change; her pale eyes flickered, shone briefly green, and Garnet grabbed her hands before whatever lingered of Tektite’s magic could take hold again.

 

“Pearl! It was all a dream,” Garnet exclaimed, drawing her attention and pressing her Gems into the other’s trembling palms. Pearl’s long fingers curled around hers. “Anything you saw just now, and everything Tektite did; none of it was real. You’re safe.”

 

Pearl nodded mutely, and Garnet swore to her that this would be dealt with, one way or another. And Pearl believed her; because Garnet was her pillar, her anchor to this world. Even with Steven and Amethyst, Garnet’s presence was paramount.

 

To her credit, Pearl didn’t break down at any point. She spent much of the next few hours holding Steven, both for his benefit and her own, while Amethyst played with and plaited her newly long hair. They were all in agreement that if this would happen again, cutting her hair every time would be a waste of time—and really, Pearl didn’t mind it much once her hair was pinned up in a bun, off of her neck.

 

Garnet completed the task of retrieving the chairs and umbrella for Pearl while she rested. She kept an eye on the others while they talked, while Pearl recuperated enough to phase her clothing back to normal, and discretely took down the wind chime, leaving the discarded pieces on the ground.

 

The next day, when Garnet was gone by sunrise of her own accord, Pearl found that she would simply have to deal with it. She wasn’t happy about it—it felt wrong and altogether strange, like she was dreaming again, only this time the dream melted into reality.

 

She had never been very good at shape shifting, didn’t have an ounce of Amethyst’s aptitude, and the extra weight of her long hair felt strange on the back of her head. But then, the tugging weight at her wrists and ankles was back again, too, and that ghostly sensation was far worse. The tugging had a direction this time, and Pearl found herself drawn to the porch, glazed eyes staring out at the sea.

 

Pearl didn’t know why, or what, or _how_ the sea could have anything to do with Tektite. But she did know that locking herself in her room hadn’t helped; that the strain of opening even her Temple door with her Gem’s magic wasn’t sustainable. She’d been bone-weary after the simplest tasks for days, and had ended up leaning back against the wall of her room, closing her eyes for just a moment—

 

And that moment turned into several hours, before Pearl awoke with a start, gasping against swirling darkness and a glimmer of mocking green light that tried to consume her. She reached up instinctively for her spear, to summon her weapon— _something_. Anything to chase away the awful laughter that echoed in her mind.

 

But her hand grasped only air.

 

Pearl lurched forward, groping blindly at the smooth surface of her Gem. Try as she might, she couldn’t summon her spear—couldn’t muster up the magic to do it, could barely get her Gem to flicker to life.

 

“No…” Pearl whispered, feeling her chest tighten, her breath coming in small gasps. “No, no, this can’t be… _No_!”

 

She couldn’t summon her weapon.

 

Through her panic, through the whoosh of doors opening as she fled her room, she felt tears prickling at her eyes. If she couldn’t fight, couldn’t contribute to the team…

 

She barreled into Amethyst, nearly knocking her over in her haste.

 

“P what in the—“

 

Pearl grabbed her so tightly that Amethyst felt the air force its way out of her lungs, but for just a moment, before Pearl’s face was hidden against her shoulder, for only a second, she caught sight of her haunted eyes brimming with tears, and Amethyst gingerly tugged her into a hug. Pearl didn’t speak, but she cried long and hard, and Amethyst let her.

 

There wasn’t really anything else she could do.

 

This was going to take a while.


	7. Comrades in Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Amethyst's turn to try to comfort Pearl.

Amethyst wasn’t sure how she did it, but somehow, she managed to maneuver Pearl over to the couch without separating from her. It was easier to kneel on something cushy than on the hardwood floor, and Pearl didn’t seem to have a preference. She cried into Amethyst’s shoulder for a long, long time, and Amethyst held her awkwardly, wondering all the while what to do or say.

 

They had never been this sort of close; before Rose’s... transformation, disappearance, death—whatever the word for it was—they had been affectionate, but Amethyst was never the go-to Gem when it came to baring souls and being emotional. She kept her feelings tightly under wraps, where nobody else could see or feel them, and for years she’d resented Pearl for doing the opposite.

 

Now, though, Pearl shook and sobbed silently into her shoulder, clinging to Amethyst’s clothing and hair as if she’d be ripped away, and Amethyst couldn’t begrudge her. She awkwardly pat the lanky Gem on the shoulder, assured her that things would be okay, and otherwise let her ride out whatever was wrong.

 

When Pearl finally did speak, her voice was raw, and Amethyst barely heard her.

 

“…I can’t summon my spear.”

 

“You _whaaat_?” Amethyst couldn’t contain her surprise, and mentally kicked herself for it. “Pearl, what d’you—how can you not?” she asked, eyes wide as Pearl drew away to scrub at her own eyes, puffy and wet from crying. The purple Gem frowned deeply. “P, you’ve always been able to summon it… You’re joshin’ me…”

 

“No,” Pearl whispered, “Not always. And I don’t… I don’t know why I _can’t_ , either, but I _can’t do it_ , Amethyst. I tried, and I…” Fresh tears spilled down her cheeks, and Pearl buried her face in her hands this time. “I can’t.”

 

"Did you... Uhh... Did you try the petal thingy?" Amethyst asked, trying to be helpful.

 

“Amethyst, this is serious!” She practically wailed, curling in on herself, long legs tucked up against her chest. “Of course I tried—I could barely open the Temple, Amethyst, I can’t… it’s something wrong with my _Gem_ , I don’t know what to do!”

 

"Shhh..." hushed Amethyst, running her hand over Pearl's very unfamiliar hair, which was starting to come undone from its pinned bun. "Sorry, P... I just... I don't know what to say..." she sighed. "I felt her too, and it was _bad_ , but it was quick... You was there for a really, reeeeally long time... Maybe this is like those medic shows? Y'know, the ones the guy is out for, like, years in tubes and stuff, and when he wakes up everything is hard, but comes back with the doc's help?"

 

For long moments Pearl said nothing. Amethyst had a point; hundreds of years trapped in a nightmare, even if reality hadn’t caught up, was impossible to just bounce back from. She supposed that it could be analogous to a coma, and if that meant relearning basic things…

 

She uncurled, just slightly, and wiped her eyes. “What if it’s permanent?” she asked, eyes wide with fear. Pearl didn’t quite look at Amethyst, gaze riveted on the window, on the glimmer of sea outside. “What if I… the tiredness, the weakness, my Gem not working. What if that _doesn’t_ fix itself?”

 

“It will,” Amethyst said, sounding surer than ever before. "We'll find a way," she continued, moving to hold Pearl's midsection, so tight it would have put together all the scrambled pieces, if she could. Amethyst wasn't scared of Pearl being broken beyond repair, because she simply didn't accept that possibility.

 

Pearl turned, but only slightly; she couldn’t move much with Amethyst holding her in a death grip, but she managed to return the hug with one arm around the quartz’s shoulders. “Thank you, Amethyst,” she whispered, drawn out of her revere by the force of the other Crystal Gem’s embrace. For a long while she said nothing, then managed a heavy sigh. “I’m sorry for ambushing you like that… with all this.”

 

"Don't feel sorry for this, P. You can feel sorry for other things, but not for this..." Amethyst rocked them both slightly. "Just say 'thank you, Amethyst, you're the best,' and we're cool!" But then in a quiet voice, added, "I'm happy you're back and I can do this...”

 

For a few seconds, Pearl wrestled with how to respond, a quip dying before it reached her tongue. Teasing Amethyst was infinitely easier than speaking candidly with her, but she didn’t have the heart to tease. Really, she wanted nothing more than to curl up in someone else’s arms and let the world fade away, and that was something she couldn’t ask of Amethyst. But she was happy, too, and the feeling was foreign in her chest, warm and flickering, and she wanted to keep it alive.

 

A tiny smile tugged at the corners of her lips, and Pearl pressed her face into Amethyst’s overgrown mane of hair. “Thank you,” she said softly, “You really are the best.”

 

Truth be told, Amethyst hadn’t expected Pearl to go along with it, but she grinned, giving the other Gem one final squeeze. “About time you admitted it,” she teased, “But… anytime, Pearl. I don’t wanna lose you either.”

 

Pearl didn’t release her hold on the smaller Gem, and Amethyst was willing to resign herself to that fate for now. What mattered for the moment was that Pearl was happy and steady—that she eventually uncurled and settled for leaning against Amethyst on the couch, loosely embracing her with an arm around her shoulders.

 

It would have been better with the TV on, Amethyst thought, discomfited by the silence Pearl so enjoyed. But that was upstairs, and they were down here. The rain had stopped hours ago, so there was no comfort in that as a distraction.

 

“It feels…” Pearl started abruptly, drawing Amethyst’s gaze. The alabaster Gem’s free hand was ghosting over her forehead, barely grazing her Gem. Her pale eyes were unfocused, glassy, and Amethyst wondered if that meant she would faint again. She didn’t want to be the only one home for that, but she let Pearl go on, even though she trailed off for so long that Amethyst almost didn’t expect her _to_ speak. “Stuck…? Clogged? My head hurts so badly Amethyst,” Pearl’s voice dropped to a whisper. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to _fix_ it. Everything is hazy, everything hurts… it’s like I’m still in there with her.”

 

“You’re not, though,” Amethyst assured her, “You’re here. With me, Garnet ‘n Steven. You’re home safe.”

 

Pearl’s vague nod didn’t sit well with her, and Amethyst awkwardly laid a hand on her shoulder. “We’re all together. Well, Steven’s gettin’ donuts, and Garnet’s finishing a job, but besides that… it’s okay now, P. We’ve got your back.”

 

Pearl opened her mouth to answer, but the beginnings of whatever she was going to say were cut off by the warp activating, flooding the house with brilliant blue light.

 

Garnet looked… displeased, to say the least, but she glanced toward her teammates and managed a wave in greeting. That hadn’t gone as planned at all.

 

“Uh… G, you’re still weaponed up,” Amethyst said, indicating the Fusion’s gauntlets.

 

“Whoops.”

 

Garnet’s voice was flat, but her heavy weaponry vanished in a rush of light as she stepped off of the warp pad, moving to join her teammates on the couch. She sat down close to Pearl, who froze, however briefly, before relaxing with a faint sigh.

 

“Are you… alright?” Pearl asked uncertainly, withdrawing her arm from Amethyst’s shoulders, folding her hands nervously in her lap instead.

 

“I went back to finish her off,” Garnet said simply, lips pursed into a thin line. “Tektite’s gone now. For good.”

 

Pearl stared, jaw slightly agape, and Amethyst gawked. There wasn’t precisely a code against destroying enemy Gems, technically. Corrupted Gems from both sides of the battle for Earth were treated the same way; fought and bubbled, left in the basement until they could be dealt with. Poofing a Gem was one thing, but Garnet’s combined tone and dodgy wording…

 

“Like… shattered?” Amethyst asked, but her eyes were on Pearl, who shook like a leaf in an autumn gale.

 

“Yes. We couldn’t come to a compromise. I destroyed her,” Garnet turned to Pearl as well, reaching for her hand. Pearl let her, clutched the other Gem’s hand tightly back, and Garnet went on. “Her magic may still linger a while, but now, she can’t feed more of it. She can’t pull any strings now.” The Fusion reached to brush Pearl’s fringe away from her eyes. “You’re safe now, Pearl. I promise you. She’s gone forever.”

 

Amethyst could see the beginnings of tears in Pearl’s eyes and stood, giving her shoulder a ginger squeeze. “I’m gonna go catch up with Steven,” she said, forcing a grin. The whole air of the room was uncomfortable, and she’d had enough crying to last a year. “But go G! See, Pearl, what’d I say? We got your back.”

 

Another absent nod, and Amethyst made for the door, glad to escape outside.


	8. Solid Base

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garnet and Pearl have a lot to talk about. Fortunately, there's nowhere to go but up.

Pearl barely heard the door slam behind Amethyst, but Garnet did, and she was privately thankful that the purple Gem had left. This was hard for all of them, but she knew that neither Steven nor Amethyst wanted to see Pearl like this. Truthfully, neither did she, but…

 

“Pearl, if you need to cry, I won’t tell you not to,” Garnet said gently, running her thumb over Pearl’s hand. Pearl squeezed back. She nodded slowly, and bowed her head, letting silent tears stream down her face and nose, and Garnet was silent.

 

It wasn’t the expected reaction, but that didn’t mean Garnet wouldn’t weather it. She waited a long while before drawing Pearl into her arms, and Pearl stiffened, then sagged into her limply.

 

“It’ll be over soon,” Garnet assured her, and Pearl nodded despite her tears. Garnet was quiet, then sighed. “Did something happen while I was gone?”

 

She didn’t want to answer, but Pearl was too used to accommodating, too accustomed to shelving her feelings. The alabaster Gem nodded, wiping her eyes, and Garnet didn’t release her. “My spear,” Pearl said softly, and rather than finish, she tried to demonstrate, putting all of her mental strength into the summoning process. It should have been easy. It should have come second nature.

 

Her Gem shone faintly blue, but nothing came forth. She even waved her hand over the area, grasping nothing, as if she might be able to pull the weapon out if her hand was ready. No hilt, no shape formed where her hand waited.

 

Nothing.

 

Garnet was briefly at a loss for words. Pearl had mastered summoning her spear midway through the war—it was something no other Gem of her kind had ever been able to do. But she couldn’t begin to count the number of times she’d seen her do it since. Pearl was a master of hard work and dedication, of turning work into an art, and Garnet envied that. She respected her work ethic above most other things.

 

She couldn’t imagine losing the ability to summon her gauntlets, and she hugged Pearl a little more tightly. Fighting was so integral to their lives, so much of what they defined themselves by—so much of who Pearl had become—that Garnet could scarcely imagine how she must feel. She said nothing for long moments.

 

“Can you summon items?” she asked at length, stroking Pearl’s hair soothingly. Pearl shrugged, and the Fusion prodded her gently. “You should try—maybe not this second. But when you’re feeling a little stronger.”

 

“I hate feeling weak,” Pearl muttered, voice sour, and Garnet offered a hum of agreement. The Gem reached again, strained to summon _something_ , and was rewarded with a pounding headache. She groaned, pressing her face into her hands. “I can’t stand this, Garnet.”

 

Garnet sighed with her, closing her eyes. “I agree,” she replied, “But you’ll get through it. We’ll help you.”

 

“I don’t want to need help!” Pearl’s voice was tight, choked with emotion, and she tugged at her too-long fringe in frustration. “Garnet, I’ve always had to… to rely on everyone else, to be lead, to be told what to do. I don’t want that anymore. I want…” Tears pooled in her eyes, and she ducked her head. “You told me I had to be strong for myself. And now I can’t even do that.”

 

The Fusion listened, let Pearl finish. It was the most _Pearl_ -sounding thing she’d said since they had returned home, tears and all, and Garnet was unsure of how to respond.

 

“Summoning your weapon isn’t your only strength,” she said finally, letting Pearl draw away when the slighter Gem tried to move. Pearl shook her head, and Garnet continued. “You’re resourceful; you’re brilliant; you’re the sharpest Gem I’ve ever met,” Garnet’s voice was warm, and Pearl peeked up at her, eyes wide and brimming with tears. “If you can’t summon your spear, we’ll find you a sword. You can come on missions again if you feel sure that you won’t collapse. You’re part of our team, Pearl. No one wants you to feel helpless or alone in this.”

 

“Is that why you’ve been so…” Pearl started, catching herself, and Garnet could see a faint flush spread across alabaster cheeks through her loose hair. “…So friendly? I’ve noticed. I think even Steven’s noticed. You’re always closer to me now, like this, and…”

 

Garnet raised an eyebrow, but knew her expression was unreadable. “Pearl… do you remember what you said to me, in your soul room?”

 

“I don’t know,” Pearl’s voice was small, shoulders trembling. “I remember… I remember Tektite. I remember every wretched visit from her, every time she painted me, every horrible trinket she made me wear. All the Gems that must’ve died to make that jewelry… I remember you were… were dead. I remember… Ruby and Sapphire, they Fused, and you were alive again.” She scrunched her eyes shut, rocking forward with her face in her hands, and Garnet gathered her up again, letting Pearl cry without abandon into her chest plate and shoulder.

 

“Ssh,” Garnet murmured, running her knuckles up Pearl’s bony spine. “I was never dead.”

 

“I don’t know what happened and what didn’t,” Pearl whispered, but the interjection helped. That Garnet was never even in a situation where she could have been shattered meant the world. “I said something… when we were waking up. But I can’t…”

 

“It’s okay if you don’t remember,” Garnet said quietly, smoothing Pearl’s hair. Pearl sniffled, and Garnet hummed soothingly, holding her close. Eventually, Pearl did calm down again, enough for Garnet to speak. The Fusion leaned in close. “What we said… or, what we both tried to say,” she said, stroking Pearl’s damp cheek fondly. “Was, I love you. And I do.”

 

Pearl stared, feeling her cheeks heat in response. “But I’m… broken now,” she protested, “I’m not who I was, Garnet, I’m not _how_ I was, how can you be sure—“

 

“I’ve always been,” Garnet insisted. “Hear this now; nothing will take that away from us. You’re my dearest friend, and I love you. No matter what happens.”

 

Color flooded Pearl’s cheeks completely, creeping up to her hairline. Her argument caught in her throat, stilled, and she swallowed it. Garnet rarely, if ever, phrased things in any way other than precisely what she meant. There were plenty of ways to interpret ‘I love you’, but knowing Garnet, and more importantly, knowing how transparent her own feelings must have been…

 

“Did we… kiss, before I woke up?” Pearl asked abruptly, not quite derailing, but trying to remember. Her headache hadn’t lessened; the feeling of a spike deep in her skull pounded away with every beat of her heart. “I… I think we did. Was that a dream?”

 

“We did,” Garnet said quietly, “It should’ve been what woke you, in the end. Steven recommended it.”

 

Silence followed, however briefly. Pearl reached up, anxiously twisting her fringe between two fingers. She supposed that made sense. Steven had always liked stories about true love’s kiss, and while humans were often full of nonsense, it could be possible to transfer magic through lip contact… She had seen Garnet do it before, with her future vision.

 

So it made sense, but somehow it didn’t make Pearl feel any better.

 

“…Was that why?” she asked quietly, “I can’t remember… it’s such a jumble, Garnet. But was that why you did it?”

 

When Garnet didn’t answer right away, Pearl was certain that the silence was an affirmative—and somehow, that made her heart ache almost as badly as her skull. She folded in on herself, too exhausted physically and mentally to cry again.

 

“I did take Steven’s suggestion,” Garnet admitted, “I was out of ideas. But it wasn’t why.”

 

Pearl’s startled look, her wide eyes and lost expression, prompted Garnet to sigh, and the Fusion pulled down her visor. Perhaps her word choice hadn’t been ideal. “I was prepared to do whatever it took to bring you back to us, because I love you,” Garnet explained, catching the smaller Gem’s gaze. Pearl stared back, questions filling her wide eyes, and Garnet continued; “It was luck that Steven’s plan worked. But I would have happily kissed you anytime, Pearl. Especially after almost losing you. The only thing I needed was permission.”

 

There was that accursed flush again, spreading over Pearl’s face and neck. “Oh,” she mumbled, taken somewhat aback. Garnet was always candid, but Pearl wasn’t sure how she could say something like that without missing a beat, without her expression wavering.

 

“Then I must have…?”

 

“We both confessed. More or less,” Garnet said, reaching to smooth Pearl’s bangs to the side. “But given the circumstances… If you don’t remember…”

 

Pearl shook her head. “It’s all a blur,” she admitted quietly, “Just… flashes and feelings. I believe you. I just…”

 

“If you don’t remember, it must seem really unusual,” Garnet concluded, cupping Pearl’s cheek. “That I’ve been so forward and affectionate.” She paused briefly. “I didn’t realize.”

 

Finally, Pearl chanced a proper look up at her, meeting Garnet’s tri-colored eyes, all clouded with worry. The Fusion’s lips were pursed in a light frown. “I never meant to make you uncomfortable, Pearl. I should have made sure.”

 

“No—I…” Pearl shook her head, catching Garnet’s hand and holding it against her cheek. “I’m fine. I am. I was just confused, and…” her voice dropped. “I thought… maybe you were treating me differently because of what happened.”

 

“In a roundabout way,” Garnet said, leaning in to keep Pearl’s gaze, nearly nose-to-nose with the dancer. “But I suspect not in the way you’re imagining. I nearly lost you, Pearl. Without ever letting you know how I felt. I couldn’t bear that. So now, I’m showing you… If you’re willing to let me.”

 

Pearl swallowed hard, searching Garnet’s face. She was unsure. Garnet loved who she had been, and even if the centuries apart had been an illusion, she still _felt_ different now.

 

But somehow, her feelings for Garnet had remained, she realized. Hundreds, thousands of years had passed in her mind, and the one constant had been Garnet—hope for Garnet to come to her rescue, faith in the other Gem’s strength, a non-corrosive belief that she was out there, somewhere, searching for her. The thought of Garnet alone had been what got her through most of Tektite’s torture, even at her lowest.

 

“I am,” Pearl’s voice was scarcely a whisper, “If you’re sure… My feelings never changed, not once.”

 

“I know,” Garnet chuckled, leaning closer to make up the distance between them. She detoured at the last second, pressing an affectionate kiss to Pearl’s blue-flushed cheek. “And neither have mine.”

 

Pearl didn’t protest, couldn’t argue despite the sea of questions that filled her mind. But for the first time in hours, the pounding in her head seemed to lessen, and she didn’t hesitate to turn her head, returning the kiss on Garnet’s opposite cheek without a second thought. “This is… this is good, then,” Pearl said, trepidation writ across her face. Garnet smoothed her brow with her thumb, and the smaller Gem closed her eyes. “This is something to start from.”

 

“We can only go up from here,” Garnet told her, pulling Pearl into a hug and leaning back into the junction between the couch and staircase. “A good foundation is exactly what you need. And we have that.”


	9. Slow Moving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something lurks in the ocean. Pearl and Garnet have a little more time alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so sorry for the unexpected hiatus, guys! I hope this chapter makes up for that somewhat.

With each push, there was pull.

 

Current was a strange thing, something that had life of its own, and she couldn’t understand it—but it was as much part of her as the chains that held her down.

 

Sometimes, there was a little slack. She would pull at it; the little thing pulled back. It wasn’t a fish, or any of the little things that moved through the current. It was a Gem, and it sometimes _pulled_ , but never got closer. It was frustrating.

 

(Everything was frustrating. The chains tightened. She pushed instead; the chains went slack, but the manacles shrank.)

 

Two pairs of eyes opened against the dark green of the sea, looking out at the current. Someone else was in her space, and that someone was a Gem.

 

She pulled.

 

The phantom Gem pulled back.

 

And like that, the current would shift, and the little flicker would be gone again.

 

Malachite waited, frustrated, torn between two extremes that ignored current in favor of grudge. She knew what held her down, knew which part of her would ultimately win, and knew that she had to wait.

 

But she didn’t know who pushed and pulled.

 

Still, without fail, she would push back.

 

* * *

 

 

Pearl jolted awake without warning, feeling clammy and cold and altogether _wrong_. She was shaking, though faintly, from head to toe. Her palms looked wrong—too small, too bony, too _pink_ even though that was thanks to the sun setting, light coming through the blinds casting color over her pale skin. She shivered, feeling the tremble low in her ribcage, and pressed her face into her palms.

 

“You alright?” Garnet asked, voice carefully gentle, a soft rumble against Pearl’s back—and still, it made the slighter Gem jump, startled by the warm arms still locked around her midsection.

 

“I… was asleep?” Pearl questioned, brows furrowed, disliking the taste of the word on her tongue. Garnet nodded just close enough to her shoulder that she could see the motion out of the corner of her eye.

 

“You closed your eyes and just—“ there was a hint of worry in Garnet’s normally guarded tone as she clicked her tongue, “—almost immediately, you were out. Like Steven after a mission.”

 

“Something… someone, I think, was calling me,” Pearl’s voice was small, detached. Her hands curled loosely around nothing, clenching and unclenching. “It wasn’t _her_. It felt different. Cold. I don’t know what… I keep feeling like someone’s tugging on my clothes, or hair, or hands. It’s like that, but no one’s there. I don’t understand…”

 

Pearl trailed off, and Garnet said nothing. There was one Gem who might have had answers, might have known about the after effects of her magic, but Tektite was no more. Garnet wondered briefly if there would have been any point in sparing her, and decided against it. The Special had been resolutely unhelpful, and nothing in the world would’ve convinced her to let Tektite near Pearl again for any reason. Garnet reached for Pearl’s hands, threading their fingers loosely. “We’ll face whatever it is together,” she promised the slighter Gem, and Pearl gripped her hands tightly. “I’m not going to lose you ever again.”

 

Pearl nodded slowly, still shaken from her dream. It was hard to focus on the memory of clammy manacles and icy water in Garnet’s arms, though, and Pearl snuggled back in comfortably.

 

“…I don’t like sleeping,” she said at length, tipping her head down in an unmistakable pout. “It’s terrible.”

 

Garnet didn’t mean to chuckle, but the sound escaped her lips, and Pearl thought it was one of the best things she had ever heard. It was rare for Garnet to laugh, even now. She’d missed it. “That sounds like you,” she said softly, “But I’m sorry to hear it.”

 

“I’m not even dreaming,” Pearl went on, “I mean I must be… but I don’t remember them. Not like that first time. Aren’t you supposed to remember your dreams?”

 

“I haven’t slept enough to know,” Garnet admitted, “I just watched you sleep. You didn’t seem to be dreaming.” Pearl’s hand flew to her Gem instinctively, and Garnet smoothed her hair. “I didn’t see anything, but that could be your Gem malfunctioning.”

 

“Wonderful.”

 

Pearl sulked, and Garnet continued to run her fingers through her bangs and side fringe soothingly. With time, it worked; tension ebbed from Pearl in waves until she was comfortably leaning into each stroke.

 

“I remember eons ago,” Garnet started softly, carefully extracting hairpins from Pearl’s bun as she spoke. “You used to wear your hair long. Not often.”

 

“When Rose asked,” Pearl agreed in a sigh, casting her gaze up toward the massive portrait of their lost leader. Garnet hummed, combing her fingers through what she could of Pearl’s hair, massaging her scalp with warm fingers as she gathered pins in the corner of her mouth.

 

Pearl didn’t notice what Garnet was doing until the last pin was removed, and her loose braid tumbled down her back. She jumped, startled, and Garnet shushed her. “Sorry,” Garnet didn’t sound very contrite, but her fingers easily undid Amethyst’s uneven plait before Pearl could object, even if she’d wanted to. Pearl’s hair was fine and silky, and miraculously hadn’t tangled almost at all since being braided. “’M going to fix it.”

 

“I don’t mind,” Pearl murmured, uneasily drawing a lock of her hair over her shoulder, finger-combing down its length. It was something to do with her hands, and Pearl appreciated the attention. “It just… startled me.”

 

“I’ll warn you next time,” Garnet replied around her mouthful of pins, and they soon settled into an easy silence while the Fusion found and worked away the snags in Pearl’s too-long hair. Pearl tipped her head forward to give Garnet easier access, and it wasn’t long before she was re-plaiting it.

 

Dexterous fingers pushed away stray curls as Garnet pinned the braid in a loop around the crown of Pearl’s head. It wrapped twice, and she carefully hid the last few inches of loose hair by tucking it into the first braid, near the top. The last of the pins guaranteed that her braids wouldn’t go anywhere.

 

“There. Is that better?” Garnet asked, and Pearl reached up to feel the still-foreign hair against her scalp. Distributed differently, it didn’t feel quite as heavy.

 

Pearl nodded slowly, then turned where she sat, not quite facing Garnet, gaze locked on the wood floor. And then, without warning, she pitched forward and threw her arms around the Fusion’s shoulders, hugging her so tightly that her chest ached. Garnet caught her around the waist, gathering her into her lap again, and Pearl sagged into her without protest.

 

They didn’t need words, and Garnet didn’t mind silence. Pearl wasn’t crying—this time—and that was already a step forward. With a tilt of her head, Garnet managed to bury her nose in Pearl’s loose side fringe, inhaling her faint scent. Pearl wormed her way closer, climbing as close as she could get, torso and abdomen pressed against her best friend.

 

There wasn’t room to get any closer, not really, but Garnet let her armor flicker out of existence anyway, and Pearl curled into her arms. Garnet wondered how the once-terrifying renegade could be worn down to this, to shaking shoulders and haunted blue eyes that seemed duller than even the war had left them, and she found that she _didn’t_ wonder anymore if killing Tektite had been the right decision.

 

It had been the only decision worth making.


	10. Siren's Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl does not deliberately go for a swim. She gets some help from the locals.

Several days passed without incident. Pearl’s condition improved, however slowly, but there _was_ improvement. Amethyst teased her gently about her unfounded worries that things would never be normal again in private, and Pearl lectured her for her tone—and shockingly, the two wound up laughing it off.

 

Pearl asked her to cut her hair again after three days, and Amethyst restored her proper style, lamenting briefly that the braids had been fun, even if they hadn’t really suited Pearl. In return, Pearl did up Amethyst’s hair in dozens of tiny braids while Steven and Garnet were out for groceries. Steven was jealous, and Amethyst kept the style in for most of the afternoon, before the tiny rows of plaits started to get in the way of eating. Amethyst phased her hair back to normal without thinking, destroying Pearl’s work in an instant, and her wild white mane still fell into her macaroni cheese while she devoured it.

 

There were worse things, Pearl supposed.

 

Still, the clammy phantom hands pulled at her ankles and wrists, ran up her shoulders like spiders, and Garnet sometimes caught her when her knees tried to turn to jelly. Garnet was like a second shadow, only much more welcome. The proximity helped ground her.

 

Pearl was alone for the first time since the Tektite Incident when the ocean called to her. She could muster up the magic to use the warp pad, even if she still couldn’t produce her spear, and she could open her door to the Temple. It was a start. It was the foundation Garnet had assured her she needed to build up from. The others had gone on a mission, and she’d let them; Garnet promised that it would be a light one, but the location would require a long hike, and Pearl had volunteered to stay home. It was a precarious decision, but Pearl was comfortable in it. Safe in the beginnings of her recovery. She could go on the next mission, she told herself, and took to getting work done around the house.

 

Like one of Steven’s sandcastles on the shore, the tide was prepared to wipe that foundation away.

 

She didn’t know how, exactly, she had wound up chest-deep in the water. The last thing Pearl remembered was hanging Steven’s comforter up to dry; it took too many rounds in the washing machine to be truly worth it, and the afternoon was pleasantly hot. Certainly hot enough to dry a blanket. Steven didn’t mind line-dried sheets or blankets, and Pearl remembered a soft clink of change when she replaced the contents of the washer with a load of Steven’s pants.

 

Everything was a roar afterwards; cold magic and a cyclone of rushing water, a vague feeling of being _dragged_. Pearl’s feet went of their own accord, led her to the sea’s edge, where water lapped at her ankles, and she kept walking without really feeling as wetness covered her skin and saturated her clothes. Magic blinded her; left a long pink cascade of hair trailing in the brine behind as she lost control of her physical form yet again. The ocean called, and pulled, and two pairs of green eyes peeked at her from unknown depths when the swell of a wave crested over her head.

 

It was the jagged edge of a rock that drew her back to reality. Pearl blinked cloudy eyes several times as she came to her senses in time for another swell of water to overtake her. Her ankle stung where salt water met the scrape, and she yelped, swallowing a mouthful of saltwater. She flailed, and her arms tangled in her too-long hair. Panic mounting, it was easy to forget that she didn’t need to breathe, especially with water in her nose and lungs. She bobbed uselessly, fought to remain buoyant while caught in unexpectedly rough current, too disoriented to remember how to swim.

 

“ _Someone’s drowning_!”

 

The voice was vaguely familiar, though distant, drew her thoughts further from the haunting green eyes—behind her, somewhere, some other human was shouting indistinctly, and moments later she felt the water push against her torso, sending her careening backwards into waiting arms.

 

“I’ve got you!” the human girl shouted, easily maneuvering Pearl’s arm around her shoulder and paddling with her outward hand. Distantly, Pearl was impressed that the girl could support her when her body wanted nothing more than to sink down to the sea floor. But she was somewhat preoccupied with coughing up water, and she let Sadie get her to shore without argument or much help.

 

Lars rushed to see, curiosity outclassing sense where this kind of thing was concerned. “Are you guys okay?” he asked awkwardly, watching as Sadie helped Pearl out of the tide’s reach, onto her side. The Gem was coughing up water, hacking as Sadie pounded her back for her. “What happened?”

 

“I don’t think she can really answer,” Sadie said, trying hard to remember what little lifeguard training she’d taken years ago. Pounding between the woman’s shoulders seemed to be helping; less water was coming up, and her breathing was slowly returning to something slightly normal. Maybe.

 

When Pearl managed to look up at the youths, breathing shallowly and with hair and sand sticking to her ashen face, she was rewarded with Lars shrieking and jumping back. “You’re not human!”

 

“Lars!” Sadie chided, “Don’t be rude, she almost drowned—“

 

“She could be a siren or something!”

 

“Didn’t you say those things don’t exist? I’m sorry, miss, are you—“

 

“’M fine,” Pearl insisted, wiping at her face and dragging her sodden bangs away from her Gem.

 

“ _Pearl_?!”

 

This day could not get worse.

 

There weren’t many humans alive whose voices Pearl could recognize without having to look; she knew Lars and Sadie, because the donut shop employees were almost always together.

 

(When had she gotten this close to the boardwalk?)

 

But the third voice didn’t belong to either of them; that belonged to the last human alive that Pearl wanted to show weakness before.

 

Greg Universe was coming down the beach in a rush, and Pearl wished the ocean had simply swallowed her whole.

 

She forced herself up on shaking arms, ignoring Sadie’s protest that she should probably lie down. The human girl wasn’t wrong; the world pitched, and Pearl felt the something tickle the back of her throat. She coughed, and water tried to bubble up again, out her nose this time.

 

“Pearl?” Sadie echoed, “I didn’t recognize you, I’m so sorry—are, are you okay?”

 

“I’m _fine_ ,” Pearl grit out around a final cough, sitting back on her knees. “Gems can’t drown.”

 

“Oh…” Lars and Sadie exchanged looks, no doubt dubious given Pearl’s current state, but the Crystal Gem found that she didn’t care.

 

“What on Earth happened?” Greg asked worriedly, dark eyes round. He reached instinctively for Pearl, and she batted his hand away. “Pearl, you look… uh…”

 

“It’s nothing. I was lost in thought. I didn’t notice the tide.” Two of those statements were technically true. Which two didn’t matter. Pearl’s elbows shook with the effort of supporting her slight frame, and Greg pursed his lips, obviously unsatisfied.

 

“Sadie, do you have a towel?” Greg asked, glancing to the human girl instead while Pearl refused to look at him. “I’ve got this.”

 

“I’m _fine_ ,” Pearl repeated, to similar effect. She heard an affirmative from Sadie, and listened as she and Lars hurried down the beach to wherever their things were. Pearl didn’t care; she was in no hurry to see them return.

 

Greg planted his hands on his hips, weighing his options for a few seconds before coming to a decision, and when he sat down next to her Pearl almost wanted to scream. Almost. Exhaustion and the bitter taste of seawater kept her from it, for the time being.

 

Wisely, Greg said nothing. Perhaps that wisdom deserved some recognition. Perhaps the worry she could practically feel radiating off of him warranted acknowledgment.

 

If she could trust her legs, right now, Pearl would have been all too happy to walk away, back to the Temple, where she could resolutely never leave her room again.

 

“Pearl, you look awful,” Greg said finally, earning a flat stare from behind too-long bangs. He winced. That wasn’t what he’d meant to say, or how he’d wanted it to come out. But Pearl looked like something Lion would drop off at the car wash right before opening, bedraggled and soggy and small. A hundred questions flashed through Greg’s mind, but none seemed appropriate. Nothing seemed like something Pearl would answer. She looked cornered and frustrated, and Greg hoped that the wetness in her eyes was from the ocean. His courage failed him. “What I mean is—that is—do you need help getting back to the Temple?”

 

Her pride screamed at the very idea. She would have liked to say no. Would have liked to tell Greg exactly where his concern could go. It was Pearl’s turn to say nothing.

 

Sadie returned to a tense silence, and Pearl took the towel gratefully without looking at her. She wiped herself down from Gem to toe, ignoring the way her sheer dress clung uncomfortably, glad that her long locks covered most of her from the waist up. Pearl patted down her sodden hair even after her arms grew tired from the minimal effort, and then thanked Sadie in the smallest voice she’d ever heard.

 

“Of course! Do you uh… need anything else? Help getting home?” Sadie asked, glancing uncomfortably at Greg. “Where’s Steven?”

 

“He’s with Garnet and Amethyst,” Pearl murmured, “I just need a minute. I can get back to the Temple.”

 

Sadie seemed satisfied with that, though she was still plainly worried, and she took back her towel once Pearl was finished. Lars hadn’t returned with her. “I’m… I’m gonna go, if you’re fine,” Sadie said awkwardly, “I’m glad you’re fine, Pearl.”

 

“I’ll drive you,” Greg said, in a voice that was almost uncharacteristically firm. Pearl bristled, but nodded slowly. The sooner she could get away from the humans, the better.


	11. Explosive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl has an outburst in front of the last person she wants to be weak around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I uh... so... I thought I'd posted this chapter months ago... And apparently, nope. Didn't. :'D I'm so sorry, guys, I am juggling so many fics right now. I hope this chapter satiates your thirst!

Loath though she was to admit it, riding with Greg was the right choice. The man had gone to get his van once she was sufficiently recovered, and Pearl had tried—and failed—to shift both clothing and hair back to normal before he returned. Yet again, she was stuck with far-too-long hair, but at least she was wearing her uniform. That was a vast improvement over the damp white dress.

 

When the world pitched beneath her feet, Pearl had to catch herself on the edge of the van door, breathing shallowly and staring at the rippling ground beneath her. She could hear concern in Greg’s voice and resolutely ignored it in favor of trying to get her limbs to cooperate. Dragging herself up into the cab took incredible effort, and the old faux leather seat was hot against her clammy skin. Pearl curled inward once she’d buckled her safety belt—out of habit rather than necessity—gangly knees pressed against her chest.

 

To her left, she heard Greg open his door and settle into his own seat. Pearl didn’t look at him. She tensed when she heard him inhale, expecting—something. Words. A lecture. But Greg simply sighed, stuck the key in the ignition, and let the van peter to life.

 

The transmission would need fixing again soon, Pearl thought distantly, pressing her face into her knees. If she could muster the strength, she would do that the next time Greg came by. The van’s engine sounded fine otherwise, even if driving on soft sand was slow going and surely terrible for the inside of the vehicle’s components.

 

Greg watched her out of the corner of his eye, lips pursed in a frown. At least she was dressed normally again—he didn’t want to be the one to point out how translucent her sodden dress had been, or how strange the ensemble was to begin with. Pearl rarely changed her clothes. If anything, she wore things over her uniform at Steven’s behest.

 

He wasn’t sure what to say. Pearl was uncharacteristically quiet, even for her, even for when they were alone together.

 

“Your hair looks… nice.”

 

The flat look Pearl leveled his way told him that hadn’t been the right way to start the conversation.

 

“Alright, so that wasn’t a good opening,” Greg admitted, eyes again ahead. Not that anything was really between them and the beach house but open sand. It was luck alone that it was drivable this far up. “Is it, uh… I mean, I know Amethyst shape shifts, but is it… permanent? I’ve never seen you do it.”

 

Small talk was not Greg Universe’s strong suit.

 

Neither was it Pearl’s.

 

“Hopefully not,” Pearl said dully, leaning back and fixing her gaze on the waves. The pulling wasn’t as strong now, but the ocean still called to her, even after it had nearly swallowed her whole. “I don’t have any control over it growing like this. It comes and goes.”

 

“Did something… happen?”

 

There was Greg’s real question, Pearl thought with a wry smile. “I failed a mission,” she murmured, “The others are fine, but the… monster we were fighting, she did something to me, and it hasn’t worn off yet.”

 

“Oh.”

 

It wasn’t a satisfactory _oh_ , and Pearl didn’t much care. She hadn’t entirely lied about Tektite, but she would sooner smash her own Gem than tell Greg the things the Special had done to her, even in cursory detail. It was bad enough that he’d seen this at all.

 

“Garnet is confident it won’t be permanent,” she went on, absently gripping her knees with fingers that were still cold and tingly at the tips. Garnet’s confidence wasn’t something she entirely shared, and Greg especially didn’t need to know _that_.

 

For several moments, Greg let silence fill the van, and Pearl was thankful. But it was uneasy and the tension didn’t come solely from Pearl. Greg adjusted his grip on the steering wheel nervously, licked dry lips, and eventually heaved a sigh.

 

“Look, I know it’s not my business, or my place,” he said slowly, “What you Gems do… it’s totally out of my league. I know that.” The mess with Lapis Lazuli was proof enough. Even if he had written a few decent tracks afterwards, seeing firsthand the dangers that his son faced… he was torn between relief that he didn’t know what the Gems did on a regular basis and terrified that his son wouldn’t come home one day.

 

Not that there was anything he could do about that. He was only human.

 

Greg went on uneasily as the van jostled along the beach. “But I’m glad… I know Steven’s in good hands with you three, but I’m glad _you’re_ okay. I’m not sure what constitutes failing a mission, but you’re home in one piece, and—“

 

Pearl cut his ramblings short with a derisive chuckle. “In one piece… something like that,” she muttered, ghosting a hand over her Gem.

 

The man paused, but Pearl didn’t continue, not right away. Her blue eyes were nearly closed, and she clung to her knees so tightly that her knuckles went blue before they went white again. Greg swallowed. “Are you oka—“

 

“Of course I’m not!” Pearl snapped, “Do I look ‘okay’ to you, Greg? Do I look remotely like myself? I just got rescued by—some _humans_ , from nearly _drowning_ , of all things!—and now you’re having to drive me back to the Temple because I’m too _weak_ to stand, much less walk, and who knows how long it’ll last this time? All because I was the only one _she_ could get to! Because I’m the weakest Gem on Earth!

 

“And I’d rather it be me, sooner than any of the others, but this is a special kind of torture! I can’t use my weapon, I can barely function day-to-day, and I can hardly get into the Temple at all! I’m completely useless like this!” tears swam in her big round eyes, and she realized too late just who she was speaking to. Horrified, she clamped her hands down over her mouth, turning her gaze away.

 

Greg was silent, staring ahead with wide-eyes. Sweat beaded on his brow, and he swallowed hard. Pearl had never been open with him, and he didn’t truly expect her to be now—but something was obviously going on, and that something must have been incredibly serious if the normally tight-lipped Gem was this distraught.

 

“Wow… that’s, uh. A lot.” He uttered, trying to catch his bearings. Pearl couldn’t look at him, too mortified to even risk it. Greg pulled the van up close to the path that led to the beach house, parking it and leaving the engine running for a bit. He pushed his hair back with one hand, chewed his cheek anxiously, and sighed heavily. Beside him, Pearl tried in vain to pull herself together. For all that she was exhausted to the core, she couldn’t stop crying.

 

She wished Sadie hadn’t found her. Drowning would be better than this.

 

At least Greg wasn’t pressing her for more information, but then, his silence was unbearable in its own way. Pearl cried as quietly as she could, but the van wasn’t much louder than she was, and everything throbbed from her head to her wrists and ankles. She angled her body away from Greg, tried to make herself smaller, and for once, was glad for her absurdly long hair, because she could hide behind it.

 

But that didn’t mean Greg was gone, or that he couldn’t see her, and that tore at her ego much more than being rescued by Sadie had. This was _Greg Universe_ , the man who had won Rose’s heart, the unremarkable musician that was somehow so much better than her even at her best that thousands of years of history had been easily tossed aside for just a decade of time together. Rose Quartz had picked Greg Universe over her, and loathe though she was to admit it, showing weakness in front of him was more humiliating than anything she could think of.

 

“Pearl?” Greg asked at length, and the softness in the man’s voice _hurt_.

 

Pearl’s voice was raw and flat, and she didn’t look up. “What?”

 

“I, uh…” Greg floundered, then shook his head. The offer to talk more about it would surely fall on deaf ears, and Pearl looked like a cornered animal, as much ready to bolt as she was ready to lash out again. “I think I saw the light from the warp just now. Want me to get you back to the house? I’ll go once you’re up the stairs, I just want to make sure you get inside.”

 

It was probably the most reasonable thing he could have offered. Pearl raised her head, just barely, and stared dully up toward the house. She knew without uncurling that mounting the stairs on her own would be a humiliating spectacle when she was like this, and she _also_ knew that the others would likely find her before she could make it up on her own.

 

There was no winning for losing.

 

“Alright,” Pearl managed softly, dragging her hand across her eyes, puffy and burning from both tears and ocean water. She swallowed against a lump in her throat, knowing that the next thing out of her mouth was the _right_ thing to say, if not the most uncomfortable.

 

“Thank you, Greg.”


End file.
